today is my last day being this young, and i've done nothing.
hello. today is november 23rd. on november 24th, one day from today, i turn fifteen. and i have nothing to show for my old age. no new progress with the year i've been given.
obviously, i've made progress, but not progress that i think is generally significant to me. other than working on myself mentally, there isn't that much i've done. i partially think it's because of life's rhythm being slow, but it's also my fault as well.
i don't look in the mirror and have pride in my heart for what i see, and it's all my fault. i keep making all these false promises. i keep starting and stopping. i keep saying "i'll do it when i get home", "i'll do it tomorrow". age is supposed to give you wisdom, and yet, i'm growing dumber each minute. what do i even do with myself?
i think this year is the first time i cry on my birthday. the concept of people crying on their birthday has always been kind of foreign to extent. i used to think "why are you crying? you're celebrating your life!", but i think i get it now. getting older isn't always a celebration. some people find it frightening or dreadful to get older, or grow up. like me. i haven't been growing up, i've just been getting older. in my eyes anyways.
i've said it before, but i'll say it again. i have to. i need to stop living the way i am. i'm tired of who i become. a lazy nobody with no progress, rhyme or reason. i am going to start taking life seriously, i am going to find myself truly, and one day, i'll look in the mirror and be proud of my reflection. i love you, whoever you are.
thank you.